Habius

Habius inspecting ARK troops in the early part of the last century. Notice how they avert their eyes in deference. Habius appears visibly moved by the gesture.

Habius inspecting ARK troops in the early part of the last century. Notice how they avert their eyes in deference. Habius appears visibly moved by the gesture.

Habius is an eminent dachshund. In theory, he belongs to the Resplendent Chairflower, but it is sometimes unclear where the real power lies.

Either he keeps regenerating like a fictional timelord, or his role has been played by several different incumbents over the years. There is footage of Habius stretching back to the 1920s that still gets played on state television today. Nevertheless, his death has never been declared, making his official age 103 (417 in dog years).

Habius appears on this poster. It reads: "Strength, Lager, Dogs"

Habius appears on this poster. It reads: “Strength, Lager, Dogs”

Our best guess is that Habius’ name comes from a bastardisation of ‘Habeas Corpus’, meaning ‘the right to see a judge’. High-profile criminal suspects are often brought before Habius. Some are never seen again. The ones that survive can only impotently yap their platitudes.

He carries out many official public engagements, commanding fear and respect wherever he goes. He also appears to have a direct influence on the policies of the Chairflower. The actual extent of his judicial remit is uncertain. Our contact has this to say: “Whatever you think of our legal system, it’s nice that prisoners get to see a dog”.

Additional:

The Vomwuffa, the ARK’s national emblem, is a constant motif throughout Kleptokran culture. It appears on banners, posters and official documents, and is the mascot of the state broadcaster.

Kleptokran Vomwuffa. The dog on the emblem would appear not to be Habius, the presence of a hat indicating a working class Kogdog. He is vomiting, to indicate his strong character and love for the ARK.

Kleptokran Vomwuffa. The dog on the emblem would appear not to be Habius, the presence of a hat indicating a working class Kogdog. He is vomiting, to indicate his strong character and love for the ARK.

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