The Book of Mauve

The RC reads from the Book of Mauve on state television broadcast

The RC reads from the Book of Mauve on state television broadcast

The Resplendent Chairflower‘s guidance is in no small part administered through the revered national book, The Book of Mauve.

The Book of Mauve is the first, and in many cases only, point of reference for Kleptokrans wishing to learn about how their country’s history, and what it means to be a Kleptokran.

To defile or in any way besmirch the book is unthinkable to any self-respecting Kleptokran. This almost certainly includes ripping odd pages out and stuffing them in a pigeon’s satchel. Which is why until now our source has managed only to deliver the first, rather dog-eared three pages:


In the Beginning, there was only slime.

Two stars in the sky met, and made love.

There were stars as well.

After they made love, they danced naked for twenty two thousand years. Droplets of their sweat fell upon the earth (there was the earth as well).

These droplets made the great oceans.

The male star tried to wipe up the sweat, but he just made dirty rags. He tried for a while to clean the sweat and to pick up the dirty rags.

But then he just left it.


These dirty rags became the countries.

Ashamed by all the filth, the female star dropped her beautiful silk handkerchief, so that one place on the earth would be pure. This place would be Kleptokratz.

For 4.5 billion years, the stars watched to see what the silken country would become.

But the silk became tarnished, and the place that humans built was one of gloom and fetid rancidity.

Apart from the train station which was nice.

Then the Resplendent Chairflower was born.


The Resplendent Chairflower was not born of man and woman.

After 4.5 billion and twenty-two thousand years, the male and female stars became reunited in coital consultation.

The stars made an embryo, and placed it into a mother befitting of the Chairflower.

And so it passed that The Resplendent Chairflower was shat out of a tiger.

NOTE: It is believed that the RC was actually born in a bed to a woman.


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