Dogs Found Without Their Hat will be Put Down

Dogs Found Without Their Hat will be Put Down

Dogs Found Without Their Hat will be Put Down

In 1978, the Kleptokran economy was on its knees. Money was short, unemployment was spiraling, and the country was fast running out of fuel as the harsh winter approached.

As the crisis took hold, the Resplendent Chairflower  appeared on ARKR, delivering a slurred address to the nation that lasted for several hours. During the course of his speech he revealed that Habius had entered his room the night before clutching a lump of charcoal in his mouth. He had seemed agitated and yappy.

Habius had sketched out a series of drawings on the floor of the Chairflower’s bedroom that indicated the reason for his rage. The other dogs of the Republik did not pay him enough respect. Not only that, they had lost all respect for themselves.  They were lazy. They were scruffy. They were bang out of order.

The Chairflower immediately passed a resolution which decreed that all working class Kogdogs must shape up, adopt a positive attitude and wear a formal hat at all times. If they didn’t they would be put down and burned for fuel.

Hat makers sprang up all around the Republik overnight. An elite force of dog wardens were called up to implement the new law. Unemployment was wiped out. Fuel shortages were eradicated. The country rejoiced among the toasty sizzle of unkempt Kogdog.

Kleptokratz was saved.


ARK Numbers Station Broadcast

Regimes around the world have, for decades, used Numbers Stations to deliver coded messages to agents working abroad. Last night we managed to grab this recording of what would appear to be a numbers station broadcast from inside the ARK. They use a unique system to deliver their encoded message, eschewing the usual method of number sequences, and instead stacking up ordered strings of repetitive sounds.

We have no idea what it all means, if anybody can break the code please do get in contact.

Indecision Kills. Pick a Side of the Road and Stick to it.

"Indecision Kills. Pick a Side of the Road and Stick to it"
“Indecision Kills. Pick a Side of the Road and Stick to it”

There are of course no official Kleptokran road traffic accident statistics. However, you can take a guess at their attitude to safety behind the wheel by this public safety poster.

Our contact explains the context:

“Keen to avoid accusations of repression and heavily influenced by Glasnost, in 1989 the Resplendent Chairflower declared both sides of the road open for all drivers, depending on what sort of mood they woke up in. His popularity immediately soared as opponents to the policy – the nation’s few car owners – drove directly into each other at high speed. However, the Chairflower observed some Kogs taking advantage of the new law a little too enthusiastically, swerving all over road and beeping their horns boistrously. They were really taking the piss. After he personally witnessed an erratic hatchback bursting a cow he ordered these posters to be put up all over the Republik. They encourage people to at least adopt some consistency”